Good People/Bad Taste

Don't worry, I'm as surprised that I'm wasting my time with you as you are.

Don't worry, this entire post won't be about Nickelback. That's just where we'll start.

Wait, I'm starting a blog post with Nickelback? I don't know if this fits the bylaws. Let's go to the booth:

The Only Acceptable Times You Can "Start With Nickelback":

1. When making a "Who should we throw into a volcano?" list.

2. This blog post.

Ok good. Looks like we're covered.

I don't have to tell you all that I don't care for Nickelback. You're talking to the guy that labeled them War Criminals as recently as 2008, and they've done nothing since that time to make me think any better of them.

But this isn't about me and my anti-Nickelback stance. This is about a question that's been gnawing at the back of my mind for weeks now like some kind of flesh-eating parasite that I may have had in 2006 (NOTE: Worst trip to Mexico ever). What happens if someone I know, like and respect likes Nickelback?

This may seem like a minor problem to most, but I can't let it go. There are so many layers upon layers to this problem that I feel like I owe Chris Nolan lunch. Think about this hypothetical situation: You've known someone for years. They're quite smart and have shown impeccable judgement the entire time you've known them. You value this person's opinion and trust their judgement.

And then, maybe some drunken night, they drop the N-bomb: "Hey, I really like Nickelback!"

(Cue record scratch sound effect)

"How?" you think to yourself. "How could this simple fact have escaped me for so long?" You start doubting yourself as a friend. After all, friends don't let friends enjoy Nickelback. Clearly, all the signs were there: the Shinedown albums under their bed, their sudden interest in all things Canadian (Alpha Flight, the Vancouver Canucks, Larry Walker, etc), their claims that "Rush was more than a one-album wonder". You ignored them all. But take it out on yourself later. You've got an existential crisis to figure out.

Now what? Here are your only options:

1. Murder Your Friend

Also known as "Pulling an OJ", this is the quickest way to deal with the problem. Some may think that murder is wrong, but others may justify it by claiming that anyone enjoying Nickelback's music is already suffering enough. Time to send Secretariat to the glue factory.

2. Stay friends with this person, but never trust a word they say ever again

In this case, you're basically saying that since they're showing such terrible taste in music, you can't trust anything else they say. "Oh, you really liked The Social Network? Well you also like Nickelback, so what am I supposed to think about that?" This method may seem harsh, but it's perfect for those people that don't want to put themselves out there to get hurt again and again.

3. Consider this a one-time slip-up and give them a pass.

Really, this is the best course of action. Everyone makes mistakes. Yes, even me (I'll give you a few minutes to let that one settle in. I know it comes as quite a shock. It's ok. Take your time...). Everyone has those one or two terrible movies or bands or tv shows that they wish they knew how to quit, but just can't. Lord knows I do. Does that mean I want you thinking less of me? Of course not.

I will point out that none of those things include liking Nickelback. Seriously, that's not even excusable. Come on, just look at them!

Hey Nickelback, U2 called and they want their visual style back.

"You know what would make this picture totally rawk? A really tiny couch! Too bad there's not one...oh shit, there is! YESSSS!!!! Thanks, brah!!!"

It may seem from this post that I have something against all things Canadian, and that's simply not true. Fergie Jenkins is one of my favorite baseball players of all time. And The Kids In The Hall are awesome. And...uh...maple syrup! Love that stuff too.

That's about it though.