"Glass or plastic??? GLASS OR PLASTIC??!?!??"

No matter what day it is, who I'm with or whether it has anything to do with current conversation, I seem to bring up Nicholas Cage a lot. I will admit that I am a huge Nicholas Cage fan. Is there a name for such fans? A quick Google search tells me there isn't. Allow me to offer up a few suggestions:

Cageheads
Nic-Natics

The good news? The Google search I just tried did come up with two fantastic Nic Cage fansites:

Cagefactor.com: The Most Complete Nicolas Cage Fan Site
Caged - A Nicolas Cage Fan Site

I'd stay away from Caged though. It's still hosted on a Geocities page, which usually means it hasn't been updated since about 1998 or so.

I could go on about the Talented Mr. Cage for hours, so I'll try to keep this short. I think the reason Nic Cage appeals to me is because for some reason his good movies are awesome and his bad movies are even better! Proving that high school math wasn't a complete waste of time, I've developed an equation that proves this rule:

(Nic Cage*Length of Hair) + (Number Of Explosions/Awful Dialogue)/Unintentional Humor = 50 Kinds Of Awesome

Don't argue with the equation. It's science.

The other thing I love about Nicolas Cage movies is that they can be summed up in a few short sentences. Nic Cage does not make "thinking man movies". He makes movies for people like me. I like my beer cold, my Hot Pockets hot (duh) and my pointless action movies under 90 minutes. Look how easy it is to summarize some of Cage's greatest flicks:

Bangkok Dangerous: Nicolas Cage goes to Bangkok, realizes it's dangerous.

The Rock: Nicolas Cage teams up with James Bond and a guy who looks like John Leguizamo to (ironically) break into a prison, shoots a bunch of people in the process.

Ghost Rider: Nicolas Cage goes through the motions just to collect a paycheck, still winds up making an awesome movie, has flaming skull.

The Wicker Man: Nicolas Cage puts on a bear suit and punches a woman in the face.

National Treasure: Nicolas Cage steals priceless American artifacts for personal gain. Hilarity ensues.

Now take the summary for National Treasure and replace 'priceless American artifacts' with 'fancy cars' and you've got Gone In 60 Seconds! Replace it with 'a baby' and you've got Raising Arizona! Replace it with 'John Travolta's face' and you've got the movie Face/Off! What can we learn from this? it appears that in most of Nicolas Cage's movies that he's stealing something. But it's always for a good reason. Besides, how can you be mad at someone for stealing when he's given so much to society with the masterpieces he continues to churn out?

So what's next for Nic Cage? Season of the Witch, which is basically him and Ron Pearlman as 14th century knights hunting down and killing witches. Every part of that sentence makes me want to drink Mountain Dew and jump off my roof it's so awesome. After that, another Ghost Rider movie! More Nic Cage-as-flaming-spirit-of-vengeance?

God Bless America.
*salutes flag*

*shotguns beer*